La crisis, la crisis – that’s a pretty common phrase you’ll hear uttered all around Spain. But right now, I’m experiencing a completely different kind of crisis – the quarter-life crisis. Although in this case, it has been ushered in by the economic la crisis too, making for a lovely duo of uncertainty and self-doubt.
A few months ago, when I lost my job, I tried very hard to have a mature perspective on the whole thing. I wasn’t going to take it badly; I was nobly going to see it as an opportunity for fantastic new doors to open.
OK, so while I’m definitely feeling noble and Very Grown-Up over not collapsing over losing my job….I’m honestly also feeling completely lost and directionless. Hello, quarter-life crisis!
As somebody who does very, very well with certainty and very, very poorly with uncertainty, this is causing a not inconsiderable amount of stress.
So, as I nobly continue my phase of Not Panicking And Being Mature (but secretly panicking and feeling VERY immature, petty, and jealous of all my friends who seemingly have it together), I thought I should at least learn something from this.
And no, it’s not being graceful under pressure.
You just have to look at my daily habits to see that – one day it’s all virtuous salads and gym sessions, the next it’s kebabs, beers, and a growing sense of shame (last night I opted for the sense of shame).
No, it’s actually a collection of new colorful Spanish expressions I can use to fully express the depths of my twenty-something ANGST to my friends here.
So, fellow quarter-life crisis strugglers, here’s how to get Spanish people to understand why your life is a mess and you’re falling behind on everything important and it is the LITERAL worst!
(By which I mean it is by no means the literal worst and I am lucky to be in a position where I can choose from so many things to do. But that doesn’t mean it’s not frustrating and upsetting).
Tener mala leche – to have bad milk
It means: To be mean
With so much personal crisis-ing going on, I find that I have the occasional day where I am just grumpy. I have sour, bad milk – and sometimes even spoiled. 🙂
Today, for instance, I committed an incredible act of self-abuse and actually started LinkedIn stalking people.
I spent the good part of an hour enviously gazing at everybody’s fancy job titles (although never clicking on their profiles, because LinkedIn tells you who’s been creeping on you).
I have become THAT PERSON.
This realization naturally meant I had a lot more curdled, unpleasant, and quite frankly disagreeable milk.
Estar en la edad del pavo – to be at the age of the turkey
It means: To be at an awkward age (usually adolescence)
Just like high school, it feels like everybody has got it all figured out. It feels like I’m the only one struggling to wear the right clothes, say the right things, and not awkwardly stick out as the one who just can’t seem to get this growing up thing down.
Only unlike in high school, I don’t even have my good school grades to have some sort of justification that everything will be fine and I’m on the track to success.
Come back, school assessments! I said I hated you but at least you gave me a way to measure my progress! And at least I was making progress back then. Sob!
If only somebody could just come in and give me a 4-year goal, make me jump through all sorts of stupid hoops to get to it, and then hand me a fancy certificate at the end of it to make me feel good about myself, I would be thrilled. Anything to give my life a sense of direction!
No saber ni papa de algo – not to know even a potato about something
It means: Being clueless
Part of this awful phase is that while before I felt fairly confident and optimistic, I am now feeling clueless and helpless about pretty much everything.
It feels like going back to kindergarten. (Actually, it’s amazing how often living abroad can make you feel like a five-year-old, but that’s a whole different post).
I’m afraid I don’t even know a potato about Real Life. Hang on, let me be grown up about this. I am going to use the more mature version of this phrase – no tengo ni puta idea what I’m doing! (I have no effing clue).
Anyway, can we go to the finger painting and crafts session instead please? That’s more suited to my capabilities and skill set.
Más perdido que un pulpo en un garaje – more lost than an octopus in a garage
It means: Being lost
Somebody else just got engaged? Someone else just bought a real, actual house? Your friend has a fulfilling job that they like and pays well? Gulp.
Somebody has even managed to do all three? Great, I’m going to take my boyfriendless, houseless, jobless self back to bed and quietly weep beneath the covers for the rest of the day.
This will be followed with a helping of guilt for being such a self-indulgent cliché.
For dessert, we’ll be having Oh God, Am I Becoming Bridget Jones?, which comes topped with shame and and a drizzle of regret (and at least Bridget could get a date!).
I’m feeling pretty empathetic towards that poor lost octopus. Get me out of this confusing garage and back into the soothing waters of certainty!
From milk to potatoes to turkey, this list has taken an unexpectedly food-related turn. And much like a toddler presented with a plateful of octopus, I’m in a phase of “I don’t WANT to.”
I don’t want to feel like this – worried, and anxious about everything all the time. I wish I could fling the plate of octopus crisis across the room, and have it swapped out for a dish more to my liking (Certainty! Self-confidence! A sense of direction and achievement!).
Not this:
Sadly, it’s looking like the only way to get through this awful, uncomfortable phase is just to accept the octopus, and start to make my way through the chewy, rubbery lumps – no matter how long it takes.
But when this is all over, I’m hoping there’ll be a delicious slice of cake afterwards.
Besos!
-Jess
Head up mate. We have all been there but you seem to have a great attitude about it all
Thanks, Josh!
Hang in there. You now REALLY immersed in the Spanish experience (didn’t I read that over 25% of college-educated 20-somethings in Spain are unemployed?) Seriously, though, it’s time to make some lists: First – all the skills you have which set you apart from the rest of the 25%. (bi-lingual, personable, energetic, quick on your feet/adaptable/flexible, a good writer of English prose, social-media-savvy… and I have only met you on your blog) Then a list of all the jobs you are qualified for, so you know what job titles to respond to, or how to label your skill set. (It used to be great to read the want ads and find out that what I could do was called a Marketing Specialist, or a Media specialist, or a Documentarian, or a Customer Relations Manager, or… Is ther a Craig’s list in Spain? a LinkedIn?) Then get your network working for you (that’s EVERYONE you ever shared a beer with!) Despite all the talk of technology, almost every job ends up being filled by someone who knows someone who knows The Someone.
Good luck!
Thanks so much, Allyson! I don’t know about the stats for college-educated 20-somethings, but for the whole under-30 group unemployment is around 50%. I’m currently working on trying to pull together enough freelancing work to get by, but Spanish taxes are crazy high on freelancers (like €250 a month in a country where €1000 a month is decent to live on). So, we’ll see what happens! Thank you again for the great advice.
You’re definitely doing one thing really right, Jess…you make completely relatable posts that make me feel like I’m not alone! Recently I’ve come out of one of these valleys, and I know it’s cliché, but the valleys make the hills that much sweeter, right? Everything’s going to be fine…you’re way too smart and determined to let this get the best of you in the long run!
Thanks, Taylor! I know I’m definitely not the only one going through this right now, and I also know we’re all going to be fine…even if it takes a while to get there. Congrats on making it out of one of the valleys!
There will be cake afterwards, trust me 🙂 Try to keep up with the good things, later you’ll look back and laugh about his quarter life crisis (I got one worst when I turned 30, that’s a hard one, the digit change is terrifying)
I love how spanish are different from one country to another, even in Latin America. The only one I recognized from above was “no saber ni papa de algo”(and of course the more grown version too)
Anyway, I loved this article, and you have skills for creating cool posts, have you tried freelancing online? writing blog posts for online magazines, etc.? maybe that could be a temporary job… 🙂
Thank you, Carla! I’m currently working on trying to pull together freelancing projects but the taxes are SO high here on freelancers that it’s a bit tough. I can’t wait until I laugh about this crisis someday. 😀
Ego says, “Once everything falls into place, I’ll find peace.”
Spirit says, ” Once I find peace, everything will fall into place.”
I just read that and needed to hear it myself. Love your Spanish sayings. Will practice them. XO
Ooh, I like those. Definitely something I needed to hear right now! Thank you, Darlene.
Oh I wish I knew that octopus expression back when I came back from Spain from 2012 (also it freaks me out that this fall will be 3 years since then!). It was an awful couple of months job searching and not having a clue about what I was doing with my life. And if it makes you feel better, I still felt lost even after I got a job. I sometimes still do. Nobody has it all figured out! And the ones that act like it are doing a good job of hiding it. I know it’s cliche but you will get out of this slump and figure out what you have to do. Deep down you may already know what that is but it may just take awhile for you to realize it.
Oh and you can totally stalk people on LinkedIn and hide your profile! The downside is you can’t see who checks out your profile but I’m okay with that. Because I like to LinkedIn stalk people all the time and not feel guilty about it. Go look in your preferences/settings! In case you stalked me, my job title is way less fancy than it sounds!
I know, I cannot believe 2012 was 3 years ago!! Time has seriously flown. It’s good to hear that nobody has it all figured out – it’s something I know logically but often don’t feel, if that makes sense. 🙂
Haha thanks for the LinkedIn tips, I’m a huge fan of creeping on people on there. It’s so interesting to see what people are doing!
Relating to this VERY hard right now. I know exactly how you feel. You are not a failure, nor are you alone. Though we gain so much (freedom, culture, language, perspective and a world of new experiences) when we choose a life of travel, we also give up a few things. One of them is certainty. As travelers and expats, our futures are rarely planned or secure. It’s easy to feel lost, directionless, and vulnerable. But, this is the beauty of our chosen paths. We learn to roll with the punches, to push forward, to bounce back, to search endlessly for new opportunities and to savor little moments of fleeting beauty because we know better than anyone that everything is temporary…and sometimes these lessons can mask themselves as failure, but you have to believe that they are not. It’s a choice and it takes a lot of blind faith, but it is always always worth it. And make no mistake– your engaged friend, with the real, actual house, and the high paying job is looking at your life and envying it as well.
Thank you so much, Joc! It’s nice to hear from somebody who’s in a similar place right now. You’re right, having that insecure path often means you get so many cool new opportunities to savor. And you know, logically I know my friends look at my life with rose-colored glasses too – it’s so easy to just see the superficial, pleasant parts of somebody’s life.
This is hilarious, and I will have to add those expressions to my lexicon…although perhaps I’ll have to use the literal English translations since few people here speak Spanish.
I completely understand the quarter-life crisis and can only say that the fact you’re so worried about (and therefore on top of) things means that you’ll be okay!
Thanks, Kirstie! That’s what everyone says, so I’m really hoping it’s true. 😀 Fingers crossed!
Wow this post is like my life exactly right now. Trying to figure out what I’m gonna do after I move back home to the States in July…cue existential dread.
I had never heard of the “octopus in a garage” phrase, but one of my infantil kiddoes say “no entiendo ni papa de lo que dice” all the time and it’s hilarious.
Yeah…every time I think about moving home, I panic and am like, “But I have no idea what I’d do!” Good luck figuring it all out.
You can do it! Life in Spain is all sorts of hards and confusings and whatthehellllls, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel (says the person going through the exact same as she approaches 30)
Yeah…currently trying to figure out freelancing laws and it is the WORST. They charge you SO much in taxes I’d be better off working in a bar! Thanks, Spain.
I wish you cake!!!
Thanks, Darlene!
Ah Jess,
I can relate. My year and half of being back stateside was a bumpy rough road for me. Underemployed, high cost of living and living with my folks longer than I thought…
Glad you’re making light of what you’re going through. Truth is, do we ever really have it all “figured out.” Life is a constant process with twist, turns and surprises and just when you think you’ve “got it” something shifts course.
All those friends who seem to have it figured out, Don’t. Those who are checking everything off the “List” may not be happy or doing it for the right reasons.
Enjoy the ride and see where it takes you!
Thanks, Lauren! It’s always nice to hear that somebody else has been there, you know? And it’s hard to remember that everybody else might seem to have it all worked out, but that’s probably not the case at all.
I’m just now catching up on blog-reading (#nerd) so I’m laughing out loud that we had this exact conversation in person yesterday, except you had already written a hilarious blog post that I should have stalked earlier. All I’ll say is that I’m right there with you, except I believe I told you yesterday “Honestly I’m most excited to just move back home and be directionless and mooch off my parent’s couch for a few months,” so if you take one thing away from this, just be glad you haven’t sunk quite to my level yet.
Thank god I’ve met cool Americans in Spain who have similar expat life crises but instead of bitching and moaning about them plainly, they know the most awesome Spanish idioms to use instead.
Ha well I did spend basically two months at Christmas being a mooch, so….there’s that. 😀 (It was secretly the best).
Thank you for the raw and honest post about your crisis. I’m approaching my second round of 25 years and it is the scariest and most gut-wrenching period ever. It is a struggle between certainty/comfort zone and uncertainty/fear. The fact you are sharing your fear will open doors for you! And by all means, creep on LinkedIn! You never know how just one click can lead to a new opportunity in life!
Thank you, David, and good luck resolving your crisis as well. You’re right, actually – just putting out there that I’m looking for work has brought in some really interesting opportunities in a short time. Best of luck!
You can write a manual on the sociology of the Spaniards. I’m surprised how well you know us!
Haha maybe someday!
I had a quarter life crisis in Sydney and invited everyone I knew to a party- including 3 ex-lovers- not the smartest idea- maybe I would have been better off in Spain?! The good news is that it made turning 30 a breeze 🙂
Oh man, inviting 3 exes to the same party? That sounds like a recipe for disaster even if you’ve dated a selection of the world’s nicest people! 😀
“mas perdido que un pulpo en un garage” is funny, but i have never used it nor have people around me….what i use is even funnier “mas perdido que una caballa en medio del mar” (more lost than one mackerel in the middle of the sea) jaja
That one is good too! Haha thank you for sharing it.
I love this… and I totally get it!